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2007-12-12 -- 12:05 a.m.

5 past 12.
a little tired.

now it's 12.29am.
just finished flipping through my diary of 2006.
2006 is the year i got together with dear.
2008, will be here in less than a month's time.
that's how far we've come.
some will say, "there's more to go"
i certainly hope so.
that our lives will unfold together, better each time.

as i look through 2006.
i realized i spent the whole 2006 in balaclava.
i realized that so much has happened to me during the time i've been working there
so much good and bad
alot of quarrels
alot of sweetness
alot of flirting and "let's hook up" situations
sally's fish tank
ibu's yellings
my green hair and being 43kg
working till 2am
msning till 6.30am
and working again the nx afternoon

as i turn the pages and i know some major conflicts are happening,
my heart sank and feared having to read the times i was in deep shit
life only changed after chinese new year

even then. now, i could finally see the reason why i pulled through.
why we pulled through.
i wrote, back then, i although i can barely remember the incidents...
and you truly loved me.
and you persistently reassured me that you do.
and i was touched because no one was ever too sure he loved me, and i was never too sure i loved another.

reading how lovey dovey we were in the past,
made me feel really sad
because we aren't like that anymore.

yea, we're still together,
still going well..

i guess time has diluted all that passion and fire
that persistence that you had
no longer exists.

whereas that desire to cling on has gradually materialised for me

there were many times i tot we couldn't make it
and we shouldn't.
but because you disagreed, we carried on.

there was once you thought otherwise, and we would really have gone our separate ways
but i feared the separation, and we were alright again

after which we nv had any major problems because i was just too afraid to go through it again

if ten years down, and we finally agreed we weren't made to be
what should i do?
the 10 years that we would have wasted
searching for the meaning that didn't exist
hoping for the peace and happiness that we could never find
what would we do then?

looking back
i tink i fell for that passion
and perseverance
and conviction that your love was mine

why is it that it no longer feels that way?
is it the natural progression?
or have things really changed?

i read that letter i wrote
during the few hours that i gambled with my fate
a letter, i was glad u never got to see
and which was why we were still together
amongst the words i saw my disappointment with love
tinge of anger with a universe of sadness
and crude bitterness

these past brought back tears
and abit of...
happiness that we pulled through,
but alot more boring.

anyways....
life's not bad
hon went taiwan, waiting for her return so we can finally catch up
hoping to meet lia, really, during this hols, really don't wanna drift away for too long.
and also dan, i think our 16th anniversary is coming, considering we met in kindergarden..
and also ben and gary and the rest, would be nice to meet them, and also to thank ben for helping out with my stupid project.
meiy's busy working... hope to drop by her place for lunch hour.
it's been nice having cc around... to cheer me up and make me laugh. i think she's growing up a little with sean. im beginning to see the changes in mentality. nice...

dear will be back tmr.
i hope he'll be able to go to cameron with me
cos tt'll be our first trip overseas.
well we just went Johor afew days ago, but tt's not really counted.
the trip seems fun. i really love convoy traveling. and the mountains and mountains and BOH tea plantation, and planting my own strawberry sapling which i'll nv harvest, and bee farm, and i tink we'll be dropping by Genting! roller coaster...!