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2007-12-13 -- 3:36 a.m.

ben is back.

the irony of life is as such.

sometimes i don't know if it's me, or you.
i may be demanding. but i just don't feel im expecting so much that you aren't able to do.

i don't like to have to cry all alone.
to fear the nx morning when my mom see my swollen eyes.
i don't want her to know im having problems
i don't want to be proven that she is right.
i made a choice long ago.
i held on until now.

sometimes the pain is just too much to bear.
the pain in my heart
the pain of having to tell you that you're the cause of it
and to have you to feel that same pain
because of what i have told you

what should i do?
i don't want to keep the pain to myself
i want it go away
but telling you doesn't it any less painful
it makes it worse
and there's now one more person to hurt

sometimes i just want to make that bold decision to tear my life apart
and fix it back again the right way
yet a part of me is sure that i will regret this very decision that could make my life right

as passion fade into love
which is by itself a very boring event
more events are involved to complicate simple things

is it so hard to always say good night.
which guy doesn't hoax their girl until she's fine
which guy doesn't do little sweet things to see her smile.
which guy doesn't give her surprises that shows that he cares.
i know some words will never come out of your mouth
but you said actions will replace what you could have said
where is it?

why is it that when my whole family disapproves
i believed you would give me happiness

i feel random.
i want to be a fish.

and swim and swim and swim.

can't breathe.